The Reeducation of Maria V

*****TW for family/emotional stuff*******

This has always been one of my absolute favorite quotes. There was a time, long ago, when naive little Maria spouted the same rhetoric that she grew up with. She did NOT know better.

Messages of hate, close-mindedness, brash and unrealistic expectations of marginalized communities. These are not easy things to admit, BUT it was the culture I was raised in. There are a lot of things I'm grateful for in my heritage, things that are very important to me, but messages rooted in bigotry will not survive and I won't pass on that generational trauma to my own kids.

I can distinctly remember constantly feeling really uncomfortable with these opinions, that when they came out of my mouth, felt wrong deep in my gut. Of course, that meant that I threw myself into it whole-heartedly to continue to play the "good-girl" oldest child that I was. Always towing the company line, always doing what was right, and never causing too much of a stir.

I was fucking miserable.

I was constantly at odds with my conscience about my family's beliefs versus how I thought people should be treated. I didn't want to be "soft and foolhardy" as was the ultimate travesty.

College and the years after changed a lot. I met new people, got out of my bubble, discovered things about myself that I had LONG buried, and started bringing real Maria to the surface again. SLOWLY, painstakingly, with many many bumps in the road. Reeducation of your beliefs is never easy, but it was necessary to grow into who I knew I was inside.

It was MANY years of educating myself, and talking to others, and ultimately my relationships with my family members didn't survive my growth. They were or are unable, uncomfortable, or just don't want to accept this new version of me. And that's OKAY.

I feel more comfortable with myself. I KNOW what it is I fight for. I KNOW that my want and need to help others and give a shit about human lives is not a weakness, but a great and wonderful thing that binds humanity together. I wanted to DO BETTER, so I found out how to KNOW MORE.

It's been a fight and a struggle to become this version of me, I won't be letting her go anytime soon. 🥰