I have to be in front?
TW: depression/ miscarriage/anxiety
***Let’s talk about growth.
The girl on the right, with the magnificent blow out was a fraud. I was desperately trying to hang on to something that I needed to let go. The death of one side of my business to give birth to the fulfilling boudoir side. ******
The girl on the right had just suffered through a miscarriage, was depressed, barely scraped out of a 48 hour psych hold, and was trying to hold her little family together. While teaching full time, being a mother to a toddler, and trying to be a good partner. It was TOO much. I’m hiding. I was hiding all of me. Looking at this picture gives me anxiety now because I see the tension in my grip, how I hide my body that failed me, my sad eyes but toothy smile. Oooof this girl.
The woman on the left however, has accepted her body, her losses, dealt with a large amount of her trauma, through therapy, shadow work, a LOT of introspection and reevaluating what matters. There is so much emotional weight gone from the woman I am now. It’s allowing me to grow into something else. Be present for the things I want to be present for… I’m ready for a big jump. I’m happier (never all the way, come on!) and definitely excited to tackle all sorts of new challenges and opportunities that I have coming. Get ready!
Taking these photos was a breath of fresh air. I just threw on a shirt, did some light make up and ran outside with Nick, and I’m more happy, more authentic and I truly… FINALLY feel like me. Just Maria.
